Okay, this is going to be BY FAR the hardest post I've done.
I've mentioned that this time of the year is really hard on me and my family. Well here it goes...
Father's day weekend of 2006 my dad came clean with an affair he had been having for six years, after 36 years of marriage to my mother. It has completely changed my life and how I look at people and the world in general. I had always strived to have a marriage like my parents and then to find out the past six years were a lie is very hard. I say it would have been easier if I were younger. Once your older you are more in tune with the world and how things work. I feel like I wish that it would have happened when I was still a young child. It would have been easier to deal with. I told myself when I was ready to post my current situation I would go into great detail, but I don't think I'm quite ready to do that just yet. I just feel like I want people to know why I'm so jaded and negative sometimes. I know my closest friends would tell you I'm DAMN positive considering the predicament I've been put in, but deep down inside I feel like I'm drowning, but I would never in a million years let anyone see that.
My parents are still together, but my mom will NEVER get over what has happened. I'm one of those people if ya fall down, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get moving. My mom does not have that in her like she taught me. I always thought of my mom as the strongest person I knew. My dad was gone a lot on leave (Air Force) and business (Boeing) and she raised me and my sister. She was a strong, funny, nurturing, great mother. Now it is my turn to be a mother to her and it is SO hard. I keep thinking she may take a step forward in the recovery process, but the moment I think that is happening, she takes 7 billion steps back. It's not fair to her, my dad (who, by the way has tried very hard to make amends and take responsibility for his screw-ups) or myself. My sister is not as involved in the drama as I am. I go over to their house and try to be a family like we used to be, but the atmosphere SUCKS there, but damn it I still try.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm looking for answers, and they are NOT there. If any of my peeps that read this blog have been through anything similar (not that I'm hoping anyone has) please give me some glimmer of hope, because after two years of this craziness I feel like maybe I'm losing it.
After posting this and reading it, I'm mad at myself for posting. UGH!
Monday, June 9, 2008
Hard times (don't judge)
Posted by Heather rules at 8:18 PM
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11 comments:
Do NOT be mad at yourself, Heather. I know this is a lot harder on you than you let on, but it is not your fault. I know you know that, too, but it still bears saying. Hang in there and remember you're loved by so many people!
Heather, I cannot imagine what your family has been through. My parents did not have the greatest marriage, and I wonder to this day if my dad had affairs (I remember once seeing him at lunch with another woman). Have you or your parents ever had counseling about this? Even if your mother won't go, maybe it would help you to deal with it. I have a good friend who went through some counseling after she had marital and family problems, and she is in a much better place now. My heart breaks for you, because you are such a good person. Please, please, if you ever feel the need to talk, I am a good listener. I may not always have the answer, but I am here for you if you need me.
Oh Heather. You don't know how often I think about you and your mom and the whole situation and hope that things are improving. I think Linda's idea of counseling for you is a good one. Probably easier than it sounds but it's worth thinking about. You know my whole parent situation so I can't say I've experienced anything like this but I'm so sad you have to go through it. I don't know what to say except I love you and I will keep praying for your family. And do not be mad for posting this. It's an outlet and it's good for you!
don't you dare be mad at yourself for posting this. you have been way strong during all of this, and you still are. you are so amazing, and don't you ever think any different. they say time heals all... but sadly, it really doesn't. the days will get easier though, and eventually that strong mom you once knew will be back, even if only in some small way.
Heather, posting this is a step in your healing. Even though it is uncomfortable, when we put ourselves out there for people to see - we heal. I am so sorry that you are having to endure and cannot imagine what you feel. I do know though that after traumatic things happen to a family the uncomfortable doesn't last forever. Each day will get you to the next and one day it will feel good again - not great, but good and that's about all you can ask. Hang in there! I'll be thinking of you...
Thanks girls. I shed a few tears this morning reading your comments. And we all know, Heather really does need to cry a little more often. I don't do it enough. It feels really good when I do.
I appreciate all of you.
Everybody already said what I was going to. You are one tough nut. You know that, though. That's what makes you so good with other people. Salt of the earth chica. And I love you.
Heather, sending you love, good thoughts and hugs.
I have no answers, but consider this a shot of good karma coming your way.
Hang in there - someone in KC is thinking about you!
;-)
wow i am so sorry. i have to say, i do understand a little bit. My mom announced after 38 yrs of what we all thought was a perfect marriage that she was leaving my dad. she denied it at first but she was having an affair with my dad's best friend from HS!!! He is also my godfather although i didn't know him. They are now married (this all happened 2 yrs ago) - it has torn my whole family apart. I am so sorry. You can e-mail me at katesmom827@yahoo.com if you want to know more! BIG HUGS to you!
wow Jennifer. It's crazy isn't it? So hard to believe sometimes. You must know exactly how I feel.
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